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Sunday, January 29, 2006
COLUMN: Steve Solloway
Being tough with hearts that ache
Copyright © 2006 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc. | ||
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GORHAM - The dozen roses and the box of chocolates were waiting Tuesday night, the perfect antidote to the emptiness in Ashley Marble's heart. She and her University of Southern Maine teammates had won another basketball game hours before, on the road. She was happy for that. Early in the game at UMass-Boston, Marble scored the 1,000th point of her career. As she accepted the congratulations, she was surprised at her own reaction. Or lack of one. "I didn't really care," said Marble. "It's hard to explain." But not difficult to understand. The man in her life is thousands of miles away and maybe in harm's way. Chris Willard, her boyfriend and best friend, was deployed with 10 other members of the Maine Air National Guard's 243rd Engineering Installation Squadron last month to Qatar. He is now in Iraq. Earlier this week, Willard and another member of his unit got orders to join a convoy and help in the construction of communications towers. "I've worked on being mentally tougher," said Marble. "That's where the games are won. I wanted to be stronger. But you can't prepare how you're going to feel when someone you care about goes to war." She's not alone, even among her teammates. Katie Sibley's younger brother, David, is with the 101st Airborne Division stationed in Tikrit, the home area of Saddam Hussein. Lisa Welch's father was deployed last year with his Vermont National Guard unit to Iraq. He returned safely last winter. And suffered a heart attack. Welch, a freshman forward last year, left the team to be with her father. Then her mother suffered complications from a heart transplant she had seven years ago. "She nearly died," Welch said quietly. Welch has since rejoined the team. Her father is much improved and her mother is better but they cannot travel to all her games. "It's hard not seeing them in the stands," said Welch. "But you're here and you have no choice but to carry on. I play harder in practice and when I get into a game. It helps to keep my mind off it." It is how they cope. That this talented team has a goal to return to the Division III Final Four and win the national championship gives them a single-minded purpose. "For me," said Sibley, "my time on the court is my time to not think about anything else but the game. For 2 1/2 hours I can lose myself." Only a year separates Sibley from her only sibling. Both graduated from Boothbay Region High. They are very close, e-mailing each other almost daily. Then two weeks may go by without a message from Iraq. "Basketball is my life," said Sibley. "It was his fun. But he's always on me to keep my head in the game and not think about him." USM's big win over in-state rival Bowdoin earlier this season was burned onto compact discs. Sibley sent one to her brother who watched it, critiquing her in front of his buddies. Marble met Chris Willard at USM. She's Downeast Maine and he's northeast Connecticut. Small-town kids. She's one of the engines that keeps the USM basketball team moving forward; he's the goalkeeper on USM's soccer team. Inside Hill Gymnasium, Willard became very visible at USM women's games, leading the mostly male student cheering section. "Sometimes when I'd get rattled, I'd look into the stands," said Marble. "Seeing him would settle me down. I still find myself doing that sometimes, even knowing he's not there." He wasn't in Boston when she scored her 1,000th point. Instead he arranged for the roses and chocolates to be delivered to their apartment. One of the stars of the Little East Conference, Marble has earned a reputation for toughness on the court. Willard understood her vulnerable side. Be tough, he told her before he left. Be strong. If a girl pushes you in the paint, you push right back. He told her something else. Whenever Marble feels anxious about his safety or she's feeling lonely she should use that emotion. The words are her mantra. Use it. Use it. Away from the court and classroom, she turned to her kitchen, baking chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies for the packages she sends, packed with extra care." I don't want him to have to eat cookie crumbs with a spoon." Besides e-mails and letters, there are twice-a-week phone calls of about 15 minutes. "I've been able to get through this because of my teammates," said Marble. "We are a big family. Katie has been so strong. I just look to her. And Coach Gary Fifield has been sensitive. "I've seen a side I didn't know existed," said Marble. "He's like a second father to me." But then, the war in Iraq and the occupation and insurgency that's followed has sensitized many on campus. In April 2004, Christopher Gelineau, a USM student and member of the Maine National Guard's 133rd Engineers, lost his life in Iraq. He was Maine's first casualty. Sibley's mother, Dee Emerson, gave Marble a T-shirt with a message. "Half my heart is in Iraq, protecting our country's freedom." Willard's name is on the back. Marble cut off the sleves and wears it under her basketball top. Days before Saturday's game with LEC rival Eastern Connecticut, Marble asked her coach if the teams and crowd could observe a moment of silence to honor the men and women serving in Iraq. It was done. "I wanted to ask for it sooner, but I haven't been able to get through the Star Spangled Banner," said Marble. "I remember turning to Katie and saying, 'Boy, those words have a whole new meaning now.' " Saturday afternoon, Marble did as she has learned. She scored a career-high 29 points against the second-best team in the conference. Sibley, the playmaker, scored 13. Welch had 11. The men serving their country in Iraq are not a distraction. They are a basketball team's inspiration. Staff Writer Steve Solloway can be contacted at 791-6412 or at:
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