Just like Don’t Fear The Reaper was made even better when they added more cowbell, Maine’s golf scene gets even better after Labor Day with the subtraction of the transient golfers. Wait. No. If the tourists are Blue Oyster Cult and I am famed producer Bruce Dickinson then… Nope. Still not it. Hold on. If you have the golf fever, then fall in Maine is the cure. Whatever.

OK, so that was painful but believe me, September and early October are the best months for Maine golfers.

First, you might get to sneak out of the house with that hideous yellow polyester sweater vest that you’ve had since the 70’s, as it’s a touch cooler once the sun starts sinking.

Second, the number of golfers drops precipitously. A study done a few years ago indicated that one of every three rounds played in Maine was by someone from away. Fewer golfers means faster rounds with less waiting and that often leads to lower scores.

Third, golf courses (unless they are foliage spectacular like some of the mountain courses) are often lowering greens fees.

Fourth, the conditions are peaking. Many of Maine’s courses don’t get their best grass until September. I don’t know why and, unlike Miles analyzing wine in Sideways (and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupçon of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese...), I really don’t even care why that is but I’ve been playing here long enough to know that’s how it is. Trust me on this. Maybe that’s why I’m a beer guy.

Fifth, you get to start dusting off one of my favorite golf pass lines – “Honey, this could be my last chance of the year to play.” My wife no longer can be fooled with this one but feel free to try it out. September may be a little early for it and you don’t want to waste it as it’s good for a couple late rounds if done right.

Sixth, your friends who chose boating over golf all summer may prefer spending a day with you on the links as opposed to scraping crud off the bottom of their boat.

Seventh, you get to trot out a little known rule that allows you to take a free drop if your ball is lost in the fallen leaves. Use this only in an emergency as your opponent may not be fooled by it twice. The key is to sound convincing when you do it. Give the rule a number and stick to your guns.

Eighth, no bugs. If these were in order this might be at the top for many.

Ninth, the cooler air means your errant shots won’t go as far into the woods. Alright, so this one’s a stretch but it sounded better than saying you don’t have to look at some fat guy’s sweat stained shorts. Am I right?

Tenth, great deals in the pro shops as they want to unload inventory. Also, most courses are so hungry for you to join as a member in 2007 they’ll let you golf the rest of this year for free. Don’t forget to ask if they have any polyester sweater vests.

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