Even if you’re one of the approximately seven people who watched Weekend At Bernie’s II you probably don’t remember one of the dudes from the cartel uttering the line, “ask no questions – tell no consequences.” Actually, aside from Bernie in the conga line, it’s pretty much all I do remember because it’s such a perfectly wacky utterance. On the other hand, it’s not a bad philosophy when you’re golfing with your buds.

I think it’s a guy thing (and by that I don’t necessarily mean a male thing but more males seems to get the guy thing than women so feel free to choose whatever camp you’re in) that when we hang out we don’t do much in the way of drilling for information about work or families. When I get home I’m usually hit with a barrage of questions I apparently was required to ask but didn’t. I’m pretty sure that one of us could have a kid, win the lottery or have a sex change operation and the rest of us wouldn’t even know. Actually, we’d probably notice that last one but only if one of us starting playing from the forward tees. I mean we golf to get away from the stuff we deal with the rest of the time. It’s a world away complete with its own subplots and characters. Hey, a jerk is still a jerk on or off the course but once we’ve established that and decided our golf games mesh, that’s it. No more questions. Just heaping servings of sarcasm, abuse and emotional mayhem. And that’s just what we do to ourselves. Good stuff. Cleansing.

On the first tee yesterday Gus and I noticed that the Neffa’s outfit was apparently laid out for him by someone who was either blind or drunk but we kept it to ourselves thinking we might use it later on. Sure enough, on the very next hole another guy, who had a separate match going with Neffa, threw down the, “nice color coordination” jab and we realized we had waited too long. I wondered how many years it would take one of our wives to forgive us for a shot like that. How’s never sound? It took Neffa about 30 seconds to return volley with a crack about our shorts so I’m guessing he got over it. Come to think of it though he did leave after only nine holes. I guess he could have moved up his therapy.

Of course, this is probably a good reason we don’t do very well when we play in team events. As I was watching the Ryder Cup I thought about how phony it sounds when Gus says, “Nice pants” or when OD says “Wow, that was a really nice putt.” Even when they really do mean it, it comes off as spurious and maybe even a little mean. Sadly, we even took the Neffa and turned him from a genuinely nice guy into one of us. Now he can’t be trusted either but he’s a lot more fun. And did it look like Jim Furyk was having any fun? Can it ever be fun playing as Tiger’s partner? How do you go from He Is The Enemy to He Is My Friend and then back to He Is My Enemy again? My only advice would be that when the Americans play as two man teams, they should have high stakes side matches against their partners.

When we get thrown together with complete strangers we really try to be nice but by the second tee our mockery and derision have usually surfaced. The reactions are varied. Some guys are horrified and others seem right at home. Funny how, either way, we never see these guys again.

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If you’re one of the people who has not played the Ledges yet you need to get off that list and you should do it this fall. According to their website at www.ledgesgolf.com if you play it M-TH after 1:00 it’s only $40 to walk and it’s a pretty walkable course. This course has a private course feel from the time you drive through the gates until you leave. It’s hard to believe the same guy who drew up Spring Meadows in Gray designed The Ledges but Brad Booth must be proud of both layouts. The Ledges is a brutish 6978 from the tips but the forward men’s tees are 1000 yards less and, while not exactly tame, very playable. But it’s not the length anyway that keep the men’s forward slope at a healthy 131, it’s the greens. They are huge, undulated and quite slick. Any downhill putts are treacherous to the point that you might want to pack a second putter so you have one to throw or disfigure. Hopefully, you’ll choose instead to soak in the ledge-lined fairways and the naturally finery that adorns this track While not possessing the caliber views you can get from the courses in Maine’s mountains and hills, it has very pleasing vistas for a course so near the ocean. This is clearly one of Maine’s top ten courses and some put it in the top five. Get out and hit it.

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